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The Arena, The Audience, The Choice

Perfectionist, Master, Warrior

Who is with you when you need to be brave?

When I walk into anything new my trouble shooting mind takes over.

What could go wrong?

Who will get offended?

Will anyone understand what I am talking about?

Will anyone show up?

Do I know what I am doing…?

What if I can’t answer a question someone might ask?

The questions go on and on!

I see the value in these thoughts but I see the most value in remembering that these are just thoughts. These are not facts. These are breaths of information that can briefly connect me to a path. I can choose to follow or I can choose to not follow that path. In launching the Warrior School program, I really experienced vulnerability in a new way and I wrestled with these thoughts listed above (and many more) daily. Slowly, slowly I began to realize that these daily connections were not the thoughts that I needed them to be.

I did not want to begin my day with worry & doubt and I for sure did not want to carry that through my day.

All of these worries and doubts manifested in one way or another throughout the month of January. I am still here in one piece and wiser from the experiences as well.

Here is a break down of the pieces of doubt, in their question form, and the wisdom I was able to distill from the processes of January.

What could go wrong?

When I review all the things that have gone wrong in the past, I realized all of these things have already happened. No internet, empty seats, kids/dogs interrupting me, noise from outside or in my house, blanking on information, issues with slide show, misspellings on presentation... and I got through every single one of those things just fine. I know what to do if any of these happen again. I was resourceful enough to get through all of those and I will be resourceful again to get through more.

I have given myself permission to trust.

Who will get offended?

The short answer is someone…. always. The simplicity of the work that I offer, the concept that healing you is your job, the shocking realization that each of us are holding on to our own trauma/story/negativity, the value that I place on my services… there is always someone that is offended. There are also many more that are enlightened and inspired. Those are the ones that are ready! Those are the ones that will walk next to me as well as lead me and lead others. The ones that are not ready help me assess my values and beliefs and continually reconnect with them to be sure they are where they should be. Everyone is invited to experience the positive and hopeful light that I do my best to shine. Sometimes it is received as a spark. Sometimes it may feel too bright.

I have given myself permission to carry on offering my message with respect.

I give myself permission to value people's connection to the information I offer, whatever the connection may be.

Will anyone understand what I am saying?

This is very important concept when it is chewed up and processed. A more productive way to say this same thought ~ Is the message clear? Like all of these questions, it is most valuable to bring it in and process it out. I can’t do anything about the mental processing of others but I 110% can honestly look at the flow of how I am presenting my information and do my best to walk though concepts so they build into a big picture connection of learning.

I do have the power to:

  • create an atmosphere that allows my audience to be invited to ask questions

  • offer time for anyone to raise their hand if they need clarity

  • offer everyone a moment or towo to process information

  • even to reach out to me privately if they need. Those are the things I have control over.

I have given myself permission to allow flow by focusing on ways to interact with what I present in a way that also interacts with my audience.

Will anyone show up?

This is my favorite one on this list because in the month of January I had on average 3 group meetings each week. Some of which I was presenting, some that I was co-presenting and others I was attending as a student. I had a learning experience, with each of these participation levels, at some point last month. Sometimes no one showed up to teach me. Sometimes no one showed up for me to teach them. In just typing that I see the cycle of Qi. I am here for you; you are here for me. And with each of these events, life moved on without connection to what I was expecting. Medical emergencies, internet disruptions, snow storms, scheduling misunderstandings. Time arrives and time passes. Understanding the process of effort and luck that has to come together for 2 or 3 or more people to connect at the same time seems to have bent my brain in a way that it hasn’t done before. Even with all the tech resources we have this day and age (and maybe because of it…?) it is such a precious thing to have your time connect with my time.

I gave myself permission to understand the value of connection.

Do I know what I am doing…?

What if I can’t answer a question someone might ask?

Both of these thoughts frequently show up together. Of the ones listed here today, these are the most frequent fliers though my consciousness. In one word I can summarize them as “doubt”. I actually have no doubt that most every time I have to present to an audience I might not actually know 100% what I am doing... and there absolutely have been questions that arise that I did not have a solid answer to... and everything was fine! I don’t connect to those experiences because “doubt” is louder in my mind than “confidence”. My conscious mind is looking for proof of doubt and I have to actively route it out of those thoughts and into confidence. An event that really touched my heart and added much light to this path into confidence, happened just a few days ago. One of my mentors sent out an email to her group of students. I look forward to connections with her and this email had many links and articles to read! So wonderful!! As I clicked and started to read the first one, I was so excited she was diving into Chinese medicine and tying some information into her usually focus on Reiki and Chakras. She then mentioned a meridian that associates with an area of the body… and she was wrong… I thought maybe there was a typo so I kept reading and she kept mentioning the wrong meridian. I got out my charts to see if I missed a connection or overlap and there was not one. She was offering a lesson of the big picture ~ Healing and interpreting what our body is communicating to us is best processed on many levels, not just one. What she taught me was something else entirely! She is still my mentor. She still passed on the message. She inspired me! She inspired me in many ways!! It did not have to be perfect and it still really ended up being exactly what I needed it to be.

I gave myself permission to arrive in excellence and know that it is valuable in itself.

In summery, I'd also like to share that the consistent message that kept arriving for me was clarity on the perspective of these thoughts and the power I have over aligning them into something that is productive and insightful. Chewing them up into wisdom and giving myself permission to let go of the doubt. I revisited a book written by Brene Brown recently and in the pages that I opened to she discussed the voices/memories that show up when it is time for her to do hard stuff (like writing). She gives the thoughts not only a voice but puts a person in there to represent the thought and the voice. She can then see who is actually "with her" and decide if that is the best person to be in her (mental) audience in her tough moments. All the naysayers seem to get loud in her mind. She has come to recognize them, walk away from them and channel in the voices and people and support that she wants. YES! What a great way to help assess the internal audience and make sure Brene, Oprah, Willie Nelson and Charlie Brown are all in their places in my audience bringing the energy that I need to get though the challenges.

Questions to take away from this months blog:

What is a persistent thought that is on your mind?

Can you find one emotion or even one word to describe this thought or all the thoughts?

Whose voice and comments are directing your behavior?

Do you want them on your journey?

Do you want them with you in the toughest moments?

What permission can you give yourself to begin a more supportive process?

Who do you want cheering you on in your mental audience?

Love this positive outlook on life? Want to feel more inspired?

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